And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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