the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
