Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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