I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
