so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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