just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
