My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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