She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
