Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize