Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
