We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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