I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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