you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
