The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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