It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
