you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
