Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
