i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
