Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Two words: blizzard sex
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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