More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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