i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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