I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
