Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
