I accidentally had phone sex last night
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
