Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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