are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
