You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
