the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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