i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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