what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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