There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
