So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
