i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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