He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
