you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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