How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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