Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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