They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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