Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
