you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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