you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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