u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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