I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
