I cockslap morals
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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