cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
