I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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