just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
