somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
