wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
