First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
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I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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