You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
