whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
