No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
