ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
