I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
