My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
