It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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