Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
