He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why is there bacon in the couch?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
