If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
