if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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