I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
