Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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