the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
