u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
