I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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