he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
