I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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