Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
