Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
