i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
