I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I didn't notice because vodka
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
